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Facing denial, especially when it recurs often, is far from pleasant. A publisher is declining your work, giving a clear “Nope.” As a writer, I am no stranger to setbacks. I began submitting articles 50 years back, right after finishing university. Over the years, I have had several works rejected, along with book ideas and many essays. In the last 20 years, specializing in commentary, the refusals have only increased. In a typical week, I receive a rejection multiple times weekly—adding up to more than 100 each year. Overall, rejections in my profession run into thousands. Today, I might as well have a advanced degree in handling no’s.

But, does this seem like a woe-is-me outburst? Not at all. Since, finally, at seven decades plus three, I have accepted rejection.

In What Way Have I Managed This?

For perspective: At this point, just about each individual and their relatives has given me a thumbs-down. I’ve never tracked my success rate—that would be quite demoralizing.

As an illustration: not long ago, a newspaper editor rejected 20 pieces one after another before accepting one. In 2016, at least 50 editors vetoed my manuscript before a single one gave the green light. Later on, 25 agents passed on a nonfiction book proposal. A particular editor even asked that I send my work only once a month.

The Steps of Setback

When I was younger, every no stung. I felt attacked. I believed my creation being rejected, but myself.

As soon as a piece was rejected, I would begin the phases of denial:

• First, surprise. How could this happen? Why would editors be blind to my ability?
• Next, denial. Maybe they rejected the incorrect submission? It has to be an oversight.
• Third, rejection of the rejection. What do editors know? Who appointed you to judge on my labours? You’re stupid and your publication stinks. I refuse this refusal.
• After that, irritation at the rejecters, then self-blame. Why would I put myself through this? Am I a masochist?
• Subsequently, bargaining (often accompanied by delusion). What does it require you to acknowledge me as a exceptional creator?
• Then, depression. I lack skill. What’s more, I’ll never be successful.

I experienced this over many years.

Excellent Examples

Certainly, I was in good company. Stories of authors whose manuscripts was at first rejected are numerous. Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. James Joyce’s Dubliners. Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita. Joseph Heller’s Catch-22. Virtually all writer of repute was first rejected. If they could succeed despite no’s, then maybe I could, too. Michael Jordan was dropped from his high school basketball team. Most Presidents over the past six decades had been defeated in elections. The filmmaker claims that his Rocky screenplay and attempt to appear were rejected repeatedly. He said rejection as an alarm to motivate me and get going, instead of giving up,” he has said.

Acceptance

Later, upon arriving at my senior age, I reached the final phase of setback. Acceptance. Currently, I more clearly see the various causes why an editor says no. Firstly, an reviewer may have recently run a like work, or have something in progress, or be considering a similar topic for a different writer.

Or, unfortunately, my submission is not appealing. Or maybe the reader feels I lack the credentials or standing to fit the bill. Or isn’t in the market for the wares I am offering. Maybe didn’t focus and read my work too quickly to recognize its quality.

Go ahead call it an awakening. Everything can be turned down, and for any reason, and there is almost not much you can do about it. Certain rationales for denial are always out of your hands.

Manageable Factors

Others are your fault. Let’s face it, my proposals may from time to time be poorly thought out. They may not resonate and appeal, or the message I am attempting to convey is insufficiently dramatised. Alternatively I’m being flagrantly unoriginal. Or a part about my punctuation, especially dashes, was annoying.

The point is that, in spite of all my long career and rejection, I have achieved widely published. I’ve published two books—the initial one when I was middle-aged, another, a personal story, at older—and over numerous essays. My writings have appeared in magazines major and minor, in diverse platforms. My first op-ed ran decades ago—and I have now written to various outlets for five decades.

Yet, no major hits, no signings at major stores, no appearances on TV programs, no speeches, no honors, no big awards, no Nobel Prize, and no national honor. But I can more readily take rejection at my age, because my, admittedly modest achievements have eased the stings of my frequent denials. I can choose to be philosophical about it all now.

Instructive Setbacks

Denial can be instructive, but provided that you pay attention to what it’s trying to teach. Or else, you will likely just keep interpreting no’s the wrong way. So what insights have I gained?

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